you can go now

i've waited once before, you were already leaving. how can i still be wearing your tattoo? circles in circles that circle around again, dancing dervish knocking on our kitchen door, you can go now. circled around and circles and circles, stop spinning around in my dreams, over the bridge, over the hump. i need an island, somewhere to go, somewhere to bury you. i stand with my feet in the sand, sinking beneath the surface of the shore, your wave washes over me; like the outgoing tide, pieces of me are taken away with your waxing and waning current. the full moon of my heart is blue, blackened by your eclipse, my piece of mind is carried away by fiddler crabs.

fallen, fallen, fallen, let me gather up all the stars in your eyes in my arms, i would like to know where the angels have carried you. a sound is brewing in the air tonight, and the only answer whispered in the wind is, away. i can go, but i don't want to stay, i want to run away, falling away. you will never see me the same, once you know the truth, you will be the one to want to run away. i was able to put all my cards on the table, would you like to take a look at the sullen girl who has washed ashore? it is calm under the wake, in the blue of my oblivion. why does it hurt me to feel so much tenderness? i ought to put a hole in your head for making me live underneath your deep blue wake, calving glaciers crash from your frozen soul, you are so beautiful.

i walk into the rising sun with nothing more than the shame from the night before. you used to say everything is alright, what do you want to hear, she's in your bed. where do you think you would fit me in? where is my beautiful?

you decided to suck me into your nightmare, crying out, i have fallen below all the shit you have spoon fed me. what the fuck do ya know, i have come out more alive than dead. half buried heart unearthed by your bitterness, there has got to be a way to make it sweeter, like sugar in a tank of gasoline. you know i sleep alone, no darling to call my own. your darkness is no stranger, it blankets my soul, lonely is all i do. i am not afraid of happy endings, i'm just afraid my life won't work out that way. tomorrow never dies, but today always ends. stay awhile, stay as long as you can. sorrow is the bitter pill you choke me with, some things i didn't bury, i don't want to be alone with you.

copyright, 2010, terri l. gillentine, all rights reserved

fuck and run

my feet are frozen, as icicles cling to my steel beating heart banging out a calypso dream, my naked eye saw it all coming down. the fear clings to the back of my throat, nightmare warblings, unable to utter a sound, my one eye could see you emerging from the shadowy disconnection of daybreak. my teeth were chattering out an s.o.s., only no one was there to break the code, my jaw locked. i was so confused. you gazed into my eye, searching out curiosity, i found something in your eyes. we did not have the time to ponder, everyone has left, our worlds collide in an effervescent explosion, bubbling red skies. just another piece of your galaxy, from far away, erupts passion on my barren shore. my seeker, my code breaker, my dreamer, you have awakened me.

will you be there when i need you or will you fuck and run? whisper your sweet charity into my tone deaf ear drumming out the pounding of your heart beat. you mean everything to me, how does it feel, to mean so much, but nothing at all. we wanted to find love, you knew my middle name was exes, you got lost. you shoplifted my heart when i was a child, but now we'll float on these broken remnants. someone told me to go inside, go girl, run and hide, before someone blows your god damn brains out. i couldn't hear, so what, this is kind of about you, this is kind of about me. take your life as it comes, your broken bundled up remains.

i turn to walk away, right through you, i saw right through you. you didn't think i would show up on the other side of you, now that i am leaving, i missed you. i don't understand. one lover stays, okay, the other one stays, while the other-other one walks away, yhea, well, you're just so scared to lose. not scared to lose one at a time, but every other at once. i lost sight of you when we entered the city of your universe, blue azure scarred veins laced the streets, paved the roads. i don't want to wait to be trapped in your skin, bubbling blood pumped sewage drains to erupt into my locked jaws, so i jump the cavern where your heart once was. running now, i trip on my own eviscerated entrails, my jaw snaps, slamming into your hardened chest cavity. my wide eye searches the now vacant orifice for any sign of an egress. i spy a tunnel, and slither like a serpent, on my belly toward the light.

you know what they say about a light at the end of the tunnel, it usually means there is a train coming.

copyright, 2010, terri l. gillentine, all rights reserved

your dream

your dream is not covered by snow, but by monkey business, you see what comes out through the ordering of drawing a line, your dream is not coloured. give me the finest paper to write what my eye sees as golden hued sound scape, my ink leaks blood red coagulated words. the dripping tears blot out cohesion caused by your switchblade symphony orchestration. gather around and hear the church bells ring, the angels sing in harmonious wails. the pistol, the poison, the knife, i have chosen my instrument as the black plot thickens all around my brain.

dark red skies where demons fly, here comes the dark salvation, here comes the dark one with her cane, look how she burns the little child, you are doomed until she changes your will, the others burn. you know you're not the only one, that comes crashing down, bleeding. all your life not believing, heavens gate came crashing down, so afraid to open your eyes, you're not the only one. your eyesight, you don't deserve. all my life i've been waiting, not believing. don't look down, can't hold onto the feeling, all unreal, all too real. cyanide, acrid fumes, this is your brain, this is your flesh, when it hurts, it hurts. only screams are heard in the burning ruin, your flesh burns in my arms, it is pure fuel that i hide. let me do what i do best, teach you the darkness, nowhere to run or hide.

sleigh bell betrayal, this is what my heart sings, it is in my soul, demanding it all, this is my body, crystal clear, crystal clear. ready for bitches like you, ready for bitches like you, this is what my body needs, this is how my body feeds. snowflake driven blurred vision, blinding my one eye, burning whiteout desire, fury. something is broken, something is swollen, something more than just another girl, can i trust you, but i don't want to. i will swallow, but it won't go down, i will come back to haunt you, i can't swallow. you think this torment is romantic, sinking slowly, well it isn't. the bile, i will swallow, i don't want to. the sea level goes down, i drown.

copyright, 2009, terri l.gillentine, all rights reserved

liquid

liquid dripping metallic eyes shifting

in hollowed sockets,

it is your nightmares, i dream.

screams caught on the shifting dune, maelstrom

sifted terror.

your body blocks contact made from pure

after shock tremors,

techtonic shift.

magnetic quake reverberates

horror.

copyright, 2009, terri l. gillentine, all rights reserved

tonight

inferno dreams are quieted by the chill brought on by the night,

a funeral procession passes by my window, i fail to find comfort

in your pale, cold eyes.

you hang there dying, off me.

the weight of your body brings me down to dirt,

i cradle your remains, this moment for the keeping.

just like a dying victim, you wheeze a burning stare,

and i am jolted awake.

the oozing puss of your mind infects my skin, and i simply move away.

a great roaring of tears pouring has frozen my heart forever.

uteri carnivore teeth, gnashing on my flesh, teeth of an extinct

lover splashes excrement on blood stained walls.

your aquamarine heart pours anguished cries, wailing, hissing and writhes,

crushed under my boot strapped bloody feet.

you sponge up the meaty remains into your amputated appendages,

ambient light stationed illuminated horrible hour.

collapsing ozone, everything implodes inside your grief stained

confessional, stinks of putrifying corpses, distraught guilt ruptures.

crotchless businessmen slither into childrens groins, feeding upon

leaking bodies that rupture the night sky, you should have saved us all.

terror bleeds, i grieve with the shame of baby doll eyes, hollow

skulls rapturous dark angels flying on burning wings.

silent flight, dawn draws near, curse the light, tonight.

kiss the tears, follow the wind, replacing fears,

black empty world populated by munching bovine.

embrace the succubus, and crush the falling stars, greasy underworld

filled with bloated hook billed birds grazing on  pieces of flesh.

buckets of bones gnawed on by our ancestors, fingerbones of little girls,

pubic bones of little boys, toothless grins smile.

tongues flicker poison, in & out; out, placenta moist pink,

vibrates with dusty disease, decayed hallucination, agony. 

eyes shiver, you better stay inside, intact organs splayed on

clotheslines, blow in an evil breeze.

howling winds blow, beneath chromosomes embedded in your kitchen

freezer, wrapped plastic futility running on gasoline decay.

scented dryer sheets perfumed by gaping, severed vaginas,
swollen and dessicated,

redundant, raped by fists full of virginal faces.

shivering scrotums manufacture oily tinctures, greasy emptiness,
 this is heavens eternal drama, sacrificed on blood,

visceral dismantling.

sweat bleeds on the boots of surgeons, autopsied animals feed

on their own decay, heat mirage emptied of all meaning.
we move through dark heat, hurl your divided heart onto
the black desert floor, softened by the flesh of my rotting corpse.
incinerate consciousness, strangle your erotic death,
orgasmic monster screams, fetal twilight blooms spasm.human 
blood smeared secretions flow through hammer nailed penis wounds,
drip, with time, not yours, but mine.
black footprints excrete delicious silent bodies, born again.

decomposing mammaries rain bleached pricks of ice, mixed human remains

fall from the sky like bricks, the celebration echos murdered laughter,

tonight.

human waste, all this dark matter, washed down with a beer.
punctured shriveled eyes devour this piss stained mirage,
crouching amongst the dead things, where charcoal stained
adrenaline fuels refineries, belching out what love remained.
gulped down sweat stains washes down your spine,
a black rock is tethered to your heart.
mirrored reflections rejoice in slaughtered memories
repeated like so many mantras disabused.
your face, you don't want to see, emptiness,
loneliness, shivering disconnection,
tonight.
copyright, 2009, terri l. gillentine, all rights reserved

i feel

i feel so high,
i feel that i just might jump right out of my skin,
why not just jump right in?
the need of someone to love,
the need of someone to take care,
the freshness of clean air.
the want of a soul to cradle.

finding one just right,
the feeling felt tight.
unloosened by the morning light,
a feeling felt so right,
illuminated by the moonlight.

she is brightened
by the breaking dawn,
this is one lit by light.

copyright, 2009, terri l. gillentine, all rights reserved

crucifying jesus