say

she stroked my thigh with a black studded hand,

pushing against resistance, futile.

give a little bit of your heart

and i will tell you what you need.

i am the spearhead,

i am the war dog.

heat rolls down the asphalt paved remains

what remains, deep down inside.

say can you feel it?

i burn, i break, the time has come.

crushed under the weight of wet remains,

i am the primer.

i am the spear head.

i am the war dog.

said can you feel it?

deep down inside, cut to ribbons flesh torn aside.

 gristle digested, fornicated, untested.

cunt licked tubular ingestion,

what you have become is a prized possession.

consumed by consumption of undigested meat,

trampled to death by throngs of running feet.

turn your outside's in, return your inside's out

 into the cold dark of night.

say can you feel it?

i am the spearhead.

i am the war dog.

 eyes sewn open, cunt sewn shut,

the curtain reveals what the soul now bleeds.

blown into dust by the betrayal of your disease.

lubricate the miasma that is your brain,

suicidal love songs are borne out of the fleshly remains.

disintegrating after birth

the tertiary fantastic horror

impaled on the aftermath of cosmic storms,

disemboweled dogs lick at their wounds.

i am the sun.

i am the spearhead.

i am the war dog.

said can you hear it?

last vestiges of love's lost remains.

 bifurcated decimation

for there will be no resurrection.

hell is the home you now reside.

burnt out retinas, hollowed out skies.

continuously callously stroking my thighs,

 pangs of destruction cries mournful sighs,

your eardrums are ruptured, your repetition now

structured.

say can you hear it?

copyright, terri l. gillentine, 2009, all rights reserved

spittle and prittle

terrorists smoking Pall Malls while bouncing on a Camel

smoke bombs set off throughout the concourse, inside the glass,

of a giant's great and wondrous food hall.

bodies begin their spinning on the spit, drooled flame-less,

rotisserie speared entrails dripping, fatty intestines gutless wrenching.

hair shorn cut cropped, picture-in-picture,

framed.

see, seeing, sought to answer, to avoid the unforeseeable future

bear witness to the spectacle of the unknown. prittle, prattle,

the beast must be fed, hand me down your sicle, pass me over

your saw. see what you're doing?  your flesh about to thaw.

the gaping, mawing machine of time, ticking, tocking,

sea whores rocking. swaying to the rhythm of the cooking drum.

 cock rocks, penis shock, stood rock proud, everybody step

into the light. you will not escape.

prepare yourself, repair yourself, here she comes,

ready, ready, into the cage.

the bottomless feedbag of time.

raise your hands to the sky.

anxiously, anxiously, the whirling dervish, rising like leaven

the pearly gates are closed.

no one dare enter and no one does repent.

afterlife a falsehood created opium dream,

poppy colored splendor ashes burnt bones remains.

 the marrow has been rendered from you tender youth.

forgotten truth's unremembered, lies well fornicated.

we slaughter the natives, prepare them for the crematorium,

 since time began into immemorium.

the judge's sit there judging the watcher's keep on watching

you know your time is coming, empty out your bowels.

circumcision unflinching twinkling eyes, pour out

your embers of love's lost last remains.

burnt beyond recognition no taste remains

hole, carved out, left starving, your blood

line bleeds refrain.

arteries sliced open, viscera spews smoke stacks

belching toe taps run prancing.

dancing cerebellum churning, bodies exhausted inhaled,

speared through aorta heart valve open,

closed.

satiated

  fevered scarlet blood reigns pulled tight,

frothing wildly madly delirium.

 sets in.

copyright, 2009, terri l. gillentine ,all rights reserved

hanging on a dying branch

what fears have laid hidden cut clean through

my eyes blurry weary unseeing lost site

decay festers in underground land mine

bombed out blood drips red vines

little monsters pick axes dark forces

flesh tingles skin spittle mingles

deserted tribes rip torn burnt stake drips

eyes plucked scrotum sucked fetal wounds

vacuum hosed stars collide tan my hide

hung to dry tears i no longer cry

sockets gleam

battles cries screaming in the dark

synaptic collision full of derision

desiring machine burning pincers

meat rubbed raw carrion claws

 rolling thunder electric flash of light

darkness takes rapes the night

tenderizing nubile beauty 50 slashes

gallows cry out faggot played out

release none in sight

corneal ignition noxious fumes

roadside tavern wenches imprisoned

slave mind vision mind's eye

blinking curses inflame

death embrace welcome's all new comer's

bodies washed ashore deliver me

home

neuron dream psychotic nightmare

lived day after day

hours stroll slowly holding court

love abort

strangled garbled estimated

time of arrival waves crashing

seas shells smashing faceless

demon's yawning

bored with revenge tinged with empathetic

desire's freedom lost babe's unborn

flushed pipe serpentine dumpster

snakes worms crawls under the surface

landmines' erasure landfill emptied

erased controlled deleted

detritus void

insatiable cricket's chatter

you are late

apocalyptic shredder machine chatter

operatic epidural necromancing spiders

eight horned goddess burns

babylon is dead

diamond gemstone tribute

hyperbolic illness enstated

no more room at the inn ewe

slaughtered haunt's aortic replacement

debasement lies still untouched

effacement

dermatological madness botox disaster

forever unknown wasteland

conflagration assessed routine

rewind pant's undone

torn skinned escaped

kidney removed on ice

grave stone granted

temple housed tunneled goddess

mother father

silent wings beating heart beats

stinging jelly fish swell

eyelash twinkles butterflied pinned

to a board on display

search database no storage found

memories pray for return

shift capitals locked

alternate deletion tab future raped

highways information data stream

god is dead undead never born

female whore cast out kicked about

jaguar stalking moon men walking

hallowed air oxygen enriched

charcoal eye liner co2 burning

wolf pack hunts they eat their young

teeth gnashing tongues whip curl gash

curdled churning bloodied stumps

bodies dangling nearby trees

branching outward skyward inward backward

swarming locusts pestilence carried

networked unharried

you are so non-existent

starvation diet size 12

phobic heterosexual intoxication

neoprene swathed septic

anti chloroformed remains

nostrils flared stench.

copyright, 2009, terri l. gillentine, all rights reserved

coming off

it has been about two weeks now without any form of prescription drugs. two weeks of pure and unadulterated hell. slipping in and out of myself, whatever myself has become. doctor wanted to change my form of pain relief to morphine patch or some other form of mind numbing, body numbing, soul numbing combination of her choice. i said, "no," she said, "find another doctor."  so compassionate, so caring, such a doctator. i do not know which is worse, the withdrawal from my medications prescribed for 2 herniated discs or the pain experienced from not having the relief of medication. the positive side effect is a clarity returning to my life, should i send her a thank you note for her lack of empathy? i thought a patient/doctor relationship was one based on agreements of how to proceed with care. got that one wrong. the nausea, the headaches, the sweating, the chills, the body aches, the sleeplessness, the restlessness, all compounded into one endless day. it will end, after nine years of the same thing, it has to end somewhere. awakening is surfacing like a long lost friend. the road is a long road, but the journey is the destination. i can't go back, i can't go forward. that means i am in the present. i haven't felt this present in a very long time. disconcerting and confusing how i got here, but here is where i am.

dungeon dreams

i have dreamt of the dungeon and relived the scene, over and over in my aching head.  my first time was in s.f. and my owner was giving me to her old owner as a gift, of sorts.  i was to impress her with my ability to take whatever was coming, i could do that, i was a pain-pig. bottoming was a new challenge, but not a new desire. 

lol had become

mutation testifies to the mark that randomness leaves upon presence.  that random act of lol exposing her external code had began to effect her genetic code, this intervention changed the material form in which she would manifest herself into the world.  her mutation is now associated with the displacement of presence/absence by pattern/randomness. lol slipped into herself,  the mainline of the data stream, as if some cartesian rhythm intersected and crossed over on itself.  what she hadn't realized broke through her semi-consciousness, she had rewritten her bodily code by exposing more "o's."  rather than lol, she had become looooollool.  it was becoming impossible to distinguish meaningfully between the biological organism she was and the informational circuit into which she was becoming enmeshed.  the generative coupling of linguistics and sexuality began flickering, signifying a troubling coupling of language and machine. 

copyright,2009,terri l. gillentine,all rights reserved

odin

i know that i hung on the windswept tree
for nine days and nine nights,
stuck with a spear,
bloodied for odin.
myself an offering to myself,
bound to that tree
whose roots no one knows where they go.
no one ever gave me bread,
no one gave me drink.
down into the depths i looked
to take up the runes.
screaming, i fell back from
that place.