Saturday, November 28, 2009

say

she stroked my thigh with a black studded hand,
pushing against resistance, futile.
give a little bit of your heart
and i will tell you what you need.
i am the spearhead,
i am the war dog.
heat rolls down the asphalt paved remains
what remains, deep down inside.
say can you feel it?
i burn, i break, the time has come.
crushed under the weight of wet remains,
i am the primer.
i am the spear head.
i am the war dog.
said can you feel it?
deep down inside, cut to ribbons flesh torn aside.
 gristle digested, fornicated, untested.
cunt licked tubular ingestion,
what you have become is a prized possession.
consumed by consumption of undigested meat,
trampled to death by throngs of running feet.
turn your outside's in, return your inside's out
 into the cold dark of night.
say can you feel it?
i am the spearhead.
i am the war dog.
 eyes sewn open, cunt sewn shut,
the curtain reveals what the soul now bleeds.
blown into dust by the betrayal of your disease.
lubricate the miasma that is your brain,
suicidal love songs are borne out of the fleshly remains.
disintegrating after birth
the tertiary fantastic horror
impaled on the aftermath of cosmic storms,
disemboweled dogs lick at their wounds.
i am the sun.
i am the spearhead.
i am the war dog.
said can you hear it?
last vestiges of love's lost remains.
 bifurcated decimation
for there will be no resurrection.
hell is the home you now reside.
burnt out retinas, hollowed out skies.
continuously callously stroking my thighs,
 pangs of destruction cries mournful sighs,
your eardrums are ruptured, your repetition now
structured.
say can you hear it?
copyright, terri l. gillentine, 2009, all rights reserved

Friday, November 27, 2009

spittle and prittle

terrorists smoking Pall Malls while bouncing on a Camel
smoke bombs set off throughout the concourse, inside the glass,
of a giant's great and wondrous food hall.
bodies begin their spinning on the spit, drooled flame-less,
rotisserie speared entrails dripping, fatty intestines gutless wrenching.
hair shorn cut cropped, picture-in-picture,
framed.
see, seeing, sought to answer, to avoid the unforeseeable future
bear witness to the spectacle of the unknown. prittle, prattle,
the beast must be fed, hand me down your sicle, pass me over
your saw. see what you're doing?  your flesh about to thaw.
the gaping, mawing machine of time, ticking, tocking,
sea whores rocking. swaying to the rhythm of the cooking drum.
 cock rocks, penis shock, stood rock proud, everybody step
into the light. you will not escape.
prepare yourself, repair yourself, here she comes,
ready, ready, into the cage.
the bottomless feedbag of time.
raise your hands to the sky.
anxiously, anxiously, the whirling dervish, rising like leaven
the pearly gates are closed.
no one dare enter and no one does repent.
afterlife a falsehood created opium dream,
poppy colored splendor ashes burnt bones remains.
 the marrow has been rendered from you tender youth.
forgotten truth's unremembered, lies well fornicated.
we slaughter the natives, prepare them for the crematorium,
 since time began into immemorium.
the judge's sit there judging the watcher's keep on watching
you know your time is coming, empty out your bowels.
circumcision unflinching twinkling eyes, pour out
your embers of love's lost last remains.
burnt beyond recognition no taste remains
hole, carved out, left starving, your blood
line bleeds refrain.
arteries sliced open, viscera spews smoke stacks
belching toe taps run prancing.
dancing cerebellum churning, bodies exhausted inhaled,
speared through aorta heart valve open,
closed.
satiated
  fevered scarlet blood reigns pulled tight,
frothing wildly madly delirium.
 sets in.

copyright, 2009, terri l. gillentine ,all rights reserved

hanging on a dying branch

what fears have laid hidden cut clean through
my eyes blurry weary unseeing lost site
decay festers in underground land mine
bombed out blood drips red vines
little monsters pick axes dark forces
flesh tingles skin spittle mingles
deserted tribes rip torn burnt stake drips
eyes plucked scrotum sucked fetal wounds
vacuum hosed stars collide tan my hide
hung to dry tears i no longer cry
sockets gleam
battles cries screaming in the dark
synaptic collision full of derision
desiring machine burning pincers
meat rubbed raw carrion claws
 rolling thunder electric flash of light
darkness takes rapes the night
tenderizing nubile beauty 50 slashes
gallows cry out faggot played out
release none in sight
corneal ignition noxious fumes
roadside tavern wenches imprisoned
slave mind vision mind's eye
blinking curses inflame
death embrace welcome's all new comer's
bodies washed ashore deliver me
home
neuron dream psychotic nightmare
lived day after day
hours stroll slowly holding court
love abort
strangled garbled estimated
time of arrival waves crashing
seas shells smashing faceless
demon's yawning
bored with revenge tinged with empathetic
desire's freedom lost babe's unborn
flushed pipe serpentine dumpster
snakes worms crawls under the surface
landmines' erasure landfill emptied
erased controlled deleted
detritus void
insatiable cricket's chatter
you are late
apocalyptic shredder machine chatter
operatic epidural necromancing spiders
eight horned goddess burns
babylon is dead
diamond gemstone tribute
hyperbolic illness enstated
no more room at the inn ewe
slaughtered haunt's aortic replacement
debasement lies still untouched
effacement
dermatological madness botox disaster
forever unknown wasteland
conflagration assessed routine
rewind pant's undone
torn skinned escaped
kidney removed on ice
grave stone granted
temple housed tunneled goddess
mother father
silent wings beating heart beats
stinging jelly fish swell
eyelash twinkles butterflied pinned
to a board on display
search database no storage found
memories pray for return
shift capitals locked
alternate deletion tab future raped
highways information data stream
god is dead undead never born
female whore cast out kicked about
jaguar stalking moon men walking
hallowed air oxygen enriched
charcoal eye liner co2 burning
wolf pack hunts they eat their young
teeth gnashing tongues whip curl gash
curdled churning bloodied stumps
bodies dangling nearby trees
branching outward skyward inward backward
swarming locusts pestilence carried
networked unharried
you are so non-existent
starvation diet size 12
phobic heterosexual intoxication
neoprene swathed septic
anti chloroformed remains
nostrils flared stench.
copyright, 2009, terri l. gillentine, all rights reserved



Tuesday, November 24, 2009

coming off

it has been about two weeks now without any form of prescription drugs. two weeks of pure and unadulterated hell. slipping in and out of myself, whatever myself has become. doctor wanted to change my form of pain relief to morphine patch or some other form of mind numbing, body numbing, soul numbing combination of her choice. i said, "no," she said, "find another doctor."  so compassionate, so caring, such a doctator. i do not know which is worse, the withdrawal from my medications prescribed for 2 herniated discs or the pain experienced from not having the relief of medication. the positive side effect is a clarity returning to my life, should i send her a thank you note for her lack of empathy? i thought a patient/doctor relationship was one based on agreements of how to proceed with care. got that one wrong. the nausea, the headaches, the sweating, the chills, the body aches, the sleeplessness, the restlessness, all compounded into one endless day. it will end, after nine years of the same thing, it has to end somewhere. awakening is surfacing like a long lost friend. the road is a long road, but the journey is the destination. i can't go back, i can't go forward. that means i am in the present. i haven't felt this present in a very long time. disconcerting and confusing how i got here, but here is where i am.

Sunday, November 22, 2009

dungeon dreams

i have dreamt of the dungeon and relived the scene, over and over in my aching head.  my first time was in s.f. and my owner was giving me to her old owner as a gift, of sorts.  i was to impress her with my ability to take whatever was coming, i could do that, i was a pain-pig. bottoming was a new challenge, but not a new desire. 

Saturday, November 21, 2009

lol had become

mutation testifies to the mark that randomness leaves upon presence.  that random act of lol exposing her external code had began to effect her genetic code, this intervention changed the material form in which she would manifest herself into the world.  her mutation is now associated with the displacement of presence/absence by pattern/randomness. lol slipped into herself,  the mainline of the data stream, as if some cartesian rhythm intersected and crossed over on itself.  what she hadn't realized broke through her semi-consciousness, she had rewritten her bodily code by exposing more "o's."  rather than lol, she had become looooollool.  it was becoming impossible to distinguish meaningfully between the biological organism she was and the informational circuit into which she was becoming enmeshed.  the generative coupling of linguistics and sexuality began flickering, signifying a troubling coupling of language and machine. 

copyright,2009,terri l. gillentine,all rights reserved

Friday, November 20, 2009

odin

i know that i hung on the windswept tree
for nine days and nine nights,
stuck with a spear,
bloodied for odin.
myself an offering to myself,
bound to that tree
whose roots no one knows where they go.
no one ever gave me bread,
no one gave me drink.
down into the depths i looked
to take up the runes.
screaming, i fell back from
that place.