ophelia

take my lips,

sew up my eyes,

you took my heart,

so why not take all of me?

i saw you in the dark,

you were sleeping.

i feel your tongue in my mouth.

i feel your arms in mine, remembering,

 i swallow.

i love you more than my mind.

i can't remember my name,

 you live through me.

i can't remember your name,

you live through me.

you see through me,

you're singing.

i can't remember the word,

but i love you.

tired eyes are burning,

remember the soul inside me.

the patterns that you create,

they go swirling.

love is blind.

this place i call home,

our home.

our dream, i feel you.

ophelia

her dress was pale green,

dream, dreamer,

the nightmare is now.

dream inside the pale moonlight,

the wind blew in time.

there she closed her eye's against

all the thing's she's seen

in the past.

dream, dream,

of the white night's from the past.

dream, dreamer.
ophelia.

your heart is raised of the cosmos.
 your blood it spills upon the stars.
 i weep for you, drunken, with the liquid
 of your emptiness.

like you, i am gone.
like you, i am gone.  like you, i am gone.
we wash it out with absinthe,
we flush it out with rushes.

we're on the ground,

we're on our knees,
still the band plays on.

much too old, and much too drunk,

to hold a conversation.

waving through the crack,

that was my heart,

ophelia.

the ocean cried when she left her shores.

the stars threw themselves upon the

earth when she left the night.

blood lust on the milky way.

no heart, no heart, beats tonight.

copyright, 2009, terri l. gillentine, all rights reserved

dungeon

in her dungeon

she will take you

you will follow

if you dare

to taste her fury

the fire that tames you

she'll take your treasure

and leave you bare

the rack stretches

your limbs so tautly

+ leaves you hanging

while she prepares

the torture you have

sought so plainly

in love-struck wonder

only she can share

the torture starts

with instruments of leisure

from cats + whips

to crops + canes

your howling thrashes

leave you exhausted

trapped in a long journey

to a far-off place

that you never

knew existed

in glowing embers

of her strong embrace

scarred + bruised,

she takes you gently

with tender kisses

on your tear-stained face

and you are hers

and you are breathless

in loving romance

of love's sweet grace.

for IDEXA and terri

jaimie

november, 1993

demand

i demand you return all the love i gave to you. how can i take a love and find maturity? i loved you so desperately, i believed your every word. you have taken my heart and fed it to snakes. this girl who sleeps in the garden, a shallow grave. wearing my own hopes as your disguise. you burn your wing on the sun in my eyes. you deserve nothing from me anymore. you are a naked savage, your body is black and blue, i gave you my promise, i will always be true. the viscious violent heat, let me soothe your savage breed. laughing and dancing on tattered dreams, kiss and scream. enter the darkness, spinning 'round crazy, animal crazy. hunger, through the viscious violent heat, kiss and caress your savage breed. torn and ravaged, spinning around in circles, the savage.

come punish me softly, kiss the hand where the angels tread. scream in the darkness. the howling of the savage, infernal beast, ruptures the quiet night. you mean everything to me, my favorite girl. you feel so real, take a ride on saturn, dreams start to die before the breaking dawn. never belong to you, you don't mean anything, you feel so real. your dreams die before they can take flight. a thousand million miles, still you will be here in my heart. if we could float away on our dreams, the seeker, scented air, whisper. lying on our backs gazing up at the stars, we wonder where we will meet again. crushed in the sun, still, here in my heart.

the holy city breathes, we move with hopeful tears of the blind. we're walking to the promise land, my fingers cut open on the stone, i suffer. waiting. through broken streets that drew me in, walk with me to the promise land. we are guilty by association with the ones' of the night, she starts to smell, smell like her mother. she smells like her sister, she smells like her lover, she starts to smile like a reptile. tear out my heart, blood pumping. tear out the wire from your brain. eating through my brains, pulsating, tissue slips. tear out the stomach, a reaction to the chaos you create. pulsating, the room vibrates, synthetic plastic screams. the beating of your heart, forever is the struggle, forever is the day.

why do you never answer the phone, does it sing caller unknown? i got a feeling you are painting children in death and decay. do you ever answer the phone, is it me, or does it seem you left it at home? taking pictures up in the cemetery. tell me, why do you never answer the phone? telling you to run and hide, too early in the day for talking, maybe you left to get provisions. your back is against the light, with your face inside their lies. strung out. with this light, i cannot see you. it has changed in ways, he doesn't hear, ecstatic jesus. you cannot see, feral people, inside of me. i am lonesome tonight. where is the moon tonight, it is so quiet. hear me now. is there any hope? hear me now. he wants to take my hope away. real salvation. look what he has done. ecstatic jesus, with your back against his life, with your face inside his lies.

i believed in what you had to say, my heart will never turn away. i'm in constant delight, she's burning his eyes. give us your guns, walk away. i'm killing the pattern, like a holy grail, walk away. give me your eyes, so that you'll see. static disease, the beast needs to feed, walk away. darkness falls on putrid decay. your flesh has been masticated, tenderness. darkness falls into my world. you know. my heart. you know, my heart, it breaks. children falling, release yourself, into the great unknown. darkness falls into our world, hear my soul, take my love. relieve yourself on burning decay. take a chance, come what may. we won't know unless we try.

rage at the day, forget those that walk around you. remember those that walk among you. do you hear the voices that call out to you? breathe through the day, exhale through the night's crushing weight. do you feel the heart that surrounds you? malaise, reveal your fear, circumnavigate the starry night. breathe the fear, don't walk away from the love that surrounds you. forget yourself.
silent scream, i hear the echo. tomorrow, just fade away, the sun explodes, destroying everything. we will find our way, we are light, fading past our plight. what happens, will we just fade away? will we all just fade away? it is a lovely sort of death, innocent of dying, a painful sickness. i melted in the bedroom, in the quicksand of your love. it takes you and never can let go. never let go. a lovely sort of death. your love vexes me. organic movement, take my hand, look up. wake up. another time, much younger and prettier then. i am the queen, you fell upon my soul. you send chills up my spine, a love come true, with your switchblade mind. look up. i wonder what time would be the right time, the patience. you seem so estranged, so we walk away, with every touch. breathe in. i take you in, here. your crimson lips caress my tongue. you tingle me, you slit my wrists and watch me bleed. in your heart, you sigh. your halo still shines. specify your desire, you need me, indecision, take it on. you are crimson. i breathe you. sigh. sigh. your halo still shines. say the word and i will be there, specify, i'll be right here. i breathe you in, breathe in. breathe. breathe me in. you're right here inside my head, you have captured my heart, breathe it in.

a tragedy, it felt like a symphony. 'cause we're afraid, not afraid of you. these dreams of you are a lovely war. the face you see, it belongs to me, don't you understand, i'm doing the best i can to make you smile, again. what will they do when that's all through? just to let you know that we're in pain. why don't you understand? just to make you smile, just to make you smile, again. i don't need sympathy or apologies. nocturnal emissions. i have lived this distortion. you are nowhere standing still. i was standing still, but the ground beneath me was moving, evaporating in a haze. i closed my eyes, my brain in a liquid daze, light, light, light. it is calling us before the fire, melting plastic, acrid air. on a mission. omission. indecision. there are no missionary positions, placed on all fours. assume. i need you!
copyright, 2009, terri l. gillentine, all rights reserved

fall, the chosen

i'm not sure what you mean, you're supposed to be unbreakable. i bet you never knew, i bet you never knew. crazy little mixed up kid, in my little round and round. you're supposed to be unbreakable. i'm not trying to give you all of me, just some of me. bet you never knew what i could do to two. friendly fire, puffs of stagnant smoke, belching from the cinder of my soul. black and white, dead as hell, you want to shake it up? shake it up in my one dead eye. you want to shake your eye? photo montage. camera obscured vision, shake it up. i know this girl, i know this woman, i know more than she thinks i know. blow my speakers' up, tonight i won't stop until i see the sunlight. ain't got no money in my pocket, boy tryin' to touch my junk, make him stop if he get too drunk. turn the speakers up. you fill me up, you break me down, my heart it pounds and you got me. put your hands up. tick, tock, tonight i'm gonna fight 'til the sun comes up. ain't got no love for the dead.

my mind depends on dope, i tell myself, cocktail, cocktail. oh, oh, oh. don't wake the sleeping children from their dreams, dreaming of nightmares. i'll go and see if he is still here, let me lace my shoelaces. up on the roof top, out into the starry night. my heart is breaking, out of my bloody pants, when your heart is broken. i will never get over, you. suffering silence brings on cardiac violence. my heart is breaking, out of my groggy plans, when your tears are frozen, when your heart is broken. come over the dancing has just begun on what remains. standing in the broken line, aren't you choking on your lies? your perfect lies, standing in the broken line. aren't you choking on your lies? all the angels fear feeling your pain. here we go again, here we go again, here we go again. he slipped down the tube, he slipped from behind the gate, with the color's passing by. sinking into unreal, abstract, he made the choice to never turn back. what now. what come's next? still on his trip to the beat of the clock, all of the while. with his blue glass eye, he made the choice. on the other side of the glass, how long can this canvas last. let's tell the story of the prince of the mourning sun.

when i died on the earth alone, i was the prince, the chosen one. heaven, the master race, i am the nephilim, we are fallen, like the mourning sun. we are fallen, like the mourning sun. wishing you would pass away, this is the dawn of a new race. we didn't fall from heaven, we didn't fall for you, we are fallen. it is dark, i am the darkness, i am the night. now, now, now, begin. we are the chosen, we are fallen, like the mourning sun. i was humbled in my rage, i was awoken from slumber within my cage. born to wander throughout the night, given domain over this pathetic race. my back is on fire as my spine sprouts wings, my brain is burning as horn's bore through perfect flesh. the very first time i touched my skin, i thought of a story, and rushed to the end too soon.  oh please, don't ever change. how could i forget your name? another perfect slumber, sleeping children still dreaming. step over the carnage, step over the bones.

copyright, 2009, terri l. gillentine, all rights reserved

fall

your creature falls, falls all around me. beware, beware. sing this song, the day rises all around me, i imbue you with wings when you're not strong. if you're scared, beware. all your sick angels fall around me. beware, beware. sick angels fall, fall all around me. i am leaking, can you stop up my hole's? i can smell you from three miles away. i will chew on your face. unscented flowers adorn her hair, as she lie's on her back with her feet pressing on the door. she is keeping the door from being cracked open, once more, no one can come, no one can go. all exit is hopeless. bundle up your dessicated flesh in what rag's remain on the floor. can i touch you? can anyone touch you? you pray for daybreak, i pray for nightfall. elusive stranger hear the ring of the bell, don't mistake it for the death knell. listening to bloody dead and sexy...

the sand is in my eyes, the dirt is in my mouth, the maggots squirm in my throat as the vapors rise from within. bite your tongue, swallow your pride, the struggle, the battle, is about to begin. the aftertaste of sick brains in the revolution located in the catacombs of kittens, at the funeral of all my best friends. forever in a struggle, forever is the day. save your breath, forget my body, forget my dream, i'm far away. raised on the essence of lost souls. i lost the dreamer, i forget how to cry, fire away, let me outside. raised on the screams of lost souls. forget my body, forget my dream, i'm far away, i'm far away. the cemetery girls frolic among the monument left to the living. i have lost the occasion to remember what was forgotten. i have lost, i have lust. far removed from death, i still exist, i still exist. madness, madness has replaced the sadness.
we are not the same, we are not the same, this land was once of the sea. we once were the chosen race. why must you persist? you are so incompetent, you and i are not to blame. blame, blame, to blame, to blame. plastic baby doll eyes swing open on the hinges in their hollowed out heads, staring, staring, staring. swing open, swing shut, shutters blindly thinking. the alien sex fiend walks the line between good and evil, this apple's rotten to the core. get up off your knees, get down, get down, on the floor. i walk the line, my business is a little cloak and dagger. i don't walk, i stagger, you wouldn't listen and i don't blame ya. i walk the line between good and evil. i walk the line. you see nothing, i hear footsteps, there's nothing there.  the apple is rotten to the core. i hear you, i spin around, but there's nothing there. it's all over. don't go. don't go near the trees, no. don't go near the trees, no. you are my watcher. i hear you.
the cannibal queen is feeding on the desire of your youth, rolling it around on her split level tongue. the chanting grows louder, perhaps, we weren't far enough away. it makes my heart begin to beat again, we'll stand in a different profile, and when we move, we'll move in time. pictures in time that will move back again. we'll stand in a different light that begins to fall, and when we talk, we'll talk in time. when we move, we'll move in time, in pictures that will be in profile. the light starts to fall around us now, and when we talk again, we'll shine, and when we move, we'll move in time. broken teeth start to crumble. nothing has changed. everything you touch becomes filthy, in the concentration camp of your heart. everything has change, nothing has changed. i feel guilty.
he was blinking his one eye, running down the tunnels, the colors passing by. running through the tunnels. staring at the putrid, dripping walls, you made your choice to never turn back. what come's next? i'm still fixated, unreal, you made the choice to never turn back. how long can this silence last? for me it was eleven hours. the mad hatter never turns his back. ticking and tocking, while his sway back is rocking. scary bitches from outer space, with their strange children. there's a possibility he is not your child. what strange creature, he doesn't look like you, he doesn't look like me. when i mention sex, you turn and run, that's why i had to sleep around. i slept with your father, i slept with your brother, once or twice i slept with your mother. there has to be a father, it could be you, perhaps half of the creature's at the local zoo. i slept with your father, i slept with your brother, once or twice i slept with your mother.
a spectre is haunting my mind, mad, a distant kind of love. on and on and on and on. still, at the sigh, true, true, cracked young lover's. young lover's screw on the shore, screw all around them. why do i bother, even bother talking to automatons? why do i even bother going on, and on, and on? is it true? uh, uh, uh, uhhh, oh, oh, ohhh. whew, whew, whewwwww, whew. every new dead ghost is changing all the time. funny how they are pushing this world down. history is replaced again, the final designer. money is pushing this world down. why do i even bother talking to automatons? i know a song that we can sing. here we go ,it's the same old story, i know a song that we can sing. plastic vision, i think of all the money that we can make, when we sell our plastic vision. kneel down and kiss the ground, open your eyes. stand up, chained up slave, i love the shadow of your flesh. i throw trinkets into the sea, as my tiny heart tears apart.
i like the slump as the needle jumps, the basement bumps. i need a chance to catch my breath, look at my face, it's such a mess. another slump, another slump, all of the sick obsessions. something overwhelming, i am turning away from facing you. we've all got obsessions, you never told me what it was that made you strong, what it was that made you weak. i want to raise every nasty thought that bugs me everyday of every week. we've got obsessions. last night's love affair is looking vulnerable again. she told me not to step on the cracks. pretty little thing, now she sleeps with one eye open, but that's the price she'll pay. i slipped in and cut out her heart, took it home and watched it fade. get your filthy finger out of my pie, i'll cut your one eye out for making me cry. that's why you sleep with one eye open. girl with one eye, i'll cut your little heart out for making me cry. i said, get your filthy finger out of my pie. i slip my hand under her skirt, just be still it won't hurt. better not try, you'll find a nightmare waiting.
you make it worse, never better, manipulating woman. you must be used to the pain. pushing me down to get yourself up. you're so completely twisted, but here i am still stuck with you. you're so completely evil, there is nowhere i'd rather be. you must be used to the pain. been there done that, i won't let you in again, i'm burning bridges. i'll never let you sweep me off my feet. this time baby, maybe i'll be burning proof. i'm much too proud, there's some things better left unsaid. jump down, don't turn around, this time maybe...i'll be bulletproof. i will always take off my bulletproof vest for you. remember me before we began.
copyright, 2009, terri l. gillentine, all rights reserved

last night

it wasn't the last night i would spend here, it was just the first of many night's that would be spent here. where is here? here is a lost location in time, lost set's of car keys, lost romances, lost lives' lived on the run, lost memories all rounded up and kept, in this one location, an undisclosed location. i had been here many time's before, but i never knew when i was going or when i was coming from this particular locale. in an instant, there i would be, at this intersection, this crossroad, alone. i would stand staring as if the sun were but a foot from my face, etching white hot orbs into my retinas. unblinking silence enfolds me, wraps my flesh in an undulating rapidity of patterns, flashing, strobing, throbbing. these visions come and go so quickly, my brain has just enough time to record their entry, but not enough time to store the data streaming through my cortex. virtually untraceable are these nano snapped shots framed in liquid solitude, floating, hovering, whispering their imprints. i blink, another snapshot frozen in an imperceptible coagulation of synapses. how can this light burn through the darkness of night? illuminated black neon holes transform themselves, as they belch out what has been swallowed whole. fragments of pixelated terror's encircle my mind's eye, balled up into one terrifyingly slow, shallow breath. exhale madness.

long, slender, bony fingers begin clawing their way into the corner's of my eyelids, making tiny, ragged scratches across my corneas. these razor like talons tear through the crusty mucous now congealed where tears'  flowed so freely, dried blood stains my cheeks. my tongue searches past my lips to taste, to moisten, to lick my ravaged eyes. one eye located on one face, the other, the opposing face. two faces, each with their own view, looking, seeking, searching. flickers of images transpose information imprinted upon individual surfaces, one sees the darkness, one searches for the light, they meet in the middle with shades of gray. the darkness is what has been left in the past, only to be dredged up like liquified sludge, made up of so many places, memories loved and forgotten faces. turn to the light before the dawn must take flight, if i could go with it, i could make everything right, right all the wrong's and misgiving's brought on. i can't undo what has already been done, i can't unsing the language i sung. huh? oh my, the damage i've done, unforgiving receiver, what can i do to make you a believer?

copyright, 2009, terri l. gillentine, all rights reserved

say

she stroked my thigh with a black studded hand,

pushing against resistance, futile.

give a little bit of your heart

and i will tell you what you need.

i am the spearhead,

i am the war dog.

heat rolls down the asphalt paved remains

what remains, deep down inside.

say can you feel it?

i burn, i break, the time has come.

crushed under the weight of wet remains,

i am the primer.

i am the spear head.

i am the war dog.

said can you feel it?

deep down inside, cut to ribbons flesh torn aside.

 gristle digested, fornicated, untested.

cunt licked tubular ingestion,

what you have become is a prized possession.

consumed by consumption of undigested meat,

trampled to death by throngs of running feet.

turn your outside's in, return your inside's out

 into the cold dark of night.

say can you feel it?

i am the spearhead.

i am the war dog.

 eyes sewn open, cunt sewn shut,

the curtain reveals what the soul now bleeds.

blown into dust by the betrayal of your disease.

lubricate the miasma that is your brain,

suicidal love songs are borne out of the fleshly remains.

disintegrating after birth

the tertiary fantastic horror

impaled on the aftermath of cosmic storms,

disemboweled dogs lick at their wounds.

i am the sun.

i am the spearhead.

i am the war dog.

said can you hear it?

last vestiges of love's lost remains.

 bifurcated decimation

for there will be no resurrection.

hell is the home you now reside.

burnt out retinas, hollowed out skies.

continuously callously stroking my thighs,

 pangs of destruction cries mournful sighs,

your eardrums are ruptured, your repetition now

structured.

say can you hear it?

copyright, terri l. gillentine, 2009, all rights reserved