how do i ask you to be patient when you refuse to discuss the intricacies and intimate details of my life? i have been told that i need to learn when to keep my mouth shut, possibly. it is like there is a loaded gun in my hand and i have been told not to fire it. on the license it said you would have to be with me until i was dead, but since you are tired of looking at my face, then i already am. don't be afraid to fall asleep under my watchful eye, watching you torment my mind. my dreamer, my seeker, come tomorrow you won't find me here, 'cause i don't care to stay with the living, you'll find me where the dead things grow. i am not like the other girls, farewell to the world, i am running out of breath, my flesh disintegrates.
my skin slips from my frame with the sweetness of a forgotten lovers tender caress, falling away in folds. my lips peel back, baring a snaggle toothed grin, my mind reels from so many wheels turning in my own decay. bitter almond fumes escape from this hole now gaping on my de-fleshed face, the curling smoke unfurls like so many words escaping from a page. i can suffer with the best of them. these are the words never spoken, these are the stories never told, this is the love that would never save me. struggling now, reaching for the medicine jar, pain tears what remains of my compassion.
ecstasy overwhelms me, treasuring the love that others despise, while my frame encircles itself my skin lays about my feet. the wind begins to wail that familiar echo, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar. are you suffering? are you suffering? are you suffering? you want my suffering, you want to see my pain, you will never be the same again. i told myself i want to take your blood and burn it in the ground, so that you would never be able to leave. my bones are becoming so brittle, breaking all around, i am unaware of your fingers digging my grave, sounds of scratching grab my attention. sprawling on the ground you claw at the sun baked earth, frenzied now, your efforts create a sand storm swirling, clinging to my blood pumping carcass.
a rasping voice struggles to escape from what remains, you've already waited too long, and all my hope is gone, i love you escapes in a wordless, hoarse gasp. unable to be audible, no lips are left to form words, so it must've been vapours released into your stagnant air. i try to run away, but i ain't got no feet. esanguanation has left me weak, it is hard to use the axe when you have no hands. a wash of innocence, this isn't personal, we're all dancing to the same sad song. malice with forethought, i feel cold without my skin. this is easy, this is easier. i can heal myself, where should i begin, i try to climb from the hole you put me in. this should be a lot easier for me, this will never get easy for me.
copyright, 2010, terri l. gillentine, all rights reserved
