you can go now

i've waited once before, you were already leaving. how can i still be wearing your tattoo? circles in circles that circle around again, dancing dervish knocking on our kitchen door, you can go now. circled around and circles and circles, stop spinning around in my dreams, over the bridge, over the hump. i need an island, somewhere to go, somewhere to bury you. i stand with my feet in the sand, sinking beneath the surface of the shore, your wave washes over me; like the outgoing tide, pieces of me are taken away with your waxing and waning current. the full moon of my heart is blue, blackened by your eclipse, my piece of mind is carried away by fiddler crabs.

fallen, fallen, fallen, let me gather up all the stars in your eyes in my arms, i would like to know where the angels have carried you. a sound is brewing in the air tonight, and the only answer whispered in the wind is, away. i can go, but i don't want to stay, i want to run away, falling away. you will never see me the same, once you know the truth, you will be the one to want to run away. i was able to put all my cards on the table, would you like to take a look at the sullen girl who has washed ashore? it is calm under the wake, in the blue of my oblivion. why does it hurt me to feel so much tenderness? i ought to put a hole in your head for making me live underneath your deep blue wake, calving glaciers crash from your frozen soul, you are so beautiful.

i walk into the rising sun with nothing more than the shame from the night before. you used to say everything is alright, what do you want to hear, she's in your bed. where do you think you would fit me in? where is my beautiful?

you decided to suck me into your nightmare, crying out, i have fallen below all the shit you have spoon fed me. what the fuck do ya know, i have come out more alive than dead. half buried heart unearthed by your bitterness, there has got to be a way to make it sweeter, like sugar in a tank of gasoline. you know i sleep alone, no darling to call my own. your darkness is no stranger, it blankets my soul, lonely is all i do. i am not afraid of happy endings, i'm just afraid my life won't work out that way. tomorrow never dies, but today always ends. stay awhile, stay as long as you can. sorrow is the bitter pill you choke me with, some things i didn't bury, i don't want to be alone with you.

copyright, 2010, terri l. gillentine, all rights reserved

fuck and run

my feet are frozen, as icicles cling to my steel beating heart banging out a calypso dream, my naked eye saw it all coming down. the fear clings to the back of my throat, nightmare warblings, unable to utter a sound, my one eye could see you emerging from the shadowy disconnection of daybreak. my teeth were chattering out an s.o.s., only no one was there to break the code, my jaw locked. i was so confused. you gazed into my eye, searching out curiosity, i found something in your eyes. we did not have the time to ponder, everyone has left, our worlds collide in an effervescent explosion, bubbling red skies. just another piece of your galaxy, from far away, erupts passion on my barren shore. my seeker, my code breaker, my dreamer, you have awakened me.

will you be there when i need you or will you fuck and run? whisper your sweet charity into my tone deaf ear drumming out the pounding of your heart beat. you mean everything to me, how does it feel, to mean so much, but nothing at all. we wanted to find love, you knew my middle name was exes, you got lost. you shoplifted my heart when i was a child, but now we'll float on these broken remnants. someone told me to go inside, go girl, run and hide, before someone blows your god damn brains out. i couldn't hear, so what, this is kind of about you, this is kind of about me. take your life as it comes, your broken bundled up remains.

i turn to walk away, right through you, i saw right through you. you didn't think i would show up on the other side of you, now that i am leaving, i missed you. i don't understand. one lover stays, okay, the other one stays, while the other-other one walks away, yhea, well, you're just so scared to lose. not scared to lose one at a time, but every other at once. i lost sight of you when we entered the city of your universe, blue azure scarred veins laced the streets, paved the roads. i don't want to wait to be trapped in your skin, bubbling blood pumped sewage drains to erupt into my locked jaws, so i jump the cavern where your heart once was. running now, i trip on my own eviscerated entrails, my jaw snaps, slamming into your hardened chest cavity. my wide eye searches the now vacant orifice for any sign of an egress. i spy a tunnel, and slither like a serpent, on my belly toward the light.

you know what they say about a light at the end of the tunnel, it usually means there is a train coming.

copyright, 2010, terri l. gillentine, all rights reserved